Honey I'm home...

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Hi everyone!

Well I am finally home. It was a long trip, or it seemed like a long one for sure. I LOVE to drive and I was so looking forward to this trip being as delightful as my last CHA/Tucson trip, but it seemed as if every stretch of driving was a rush to get to the destination. And then run run run.

However, the trip had its good and bad. I made some of the best connections I have ever made at both shows. The shows attendence was down, as was expected, yet my work seemed to be EXcellent!
I had a larger ontorage` this time. Which made for quite a spectical now and then. But all in all it worked out beautifully.

The very last night was the fabulous SWAROVSKI PARTY! It was the most incredible one I have ever attended. I was pulled from one person to the next and on it went like that all night. A few glasses of wine adn many connections and lots of laughter.
Picured here is myself, Laura Timmons (one of the new Swarovski Embassadors and our very own BU columnists) and Joanna Feller, my managing Editor. We had a great time!

So I amhome now....back at it......and going 100 mph again! I shall upload a ton of pics from the show in the next few days.

(I am wishing there was a voice in my house to say hello to when I get home.......I am so missing that)

p. hawkins

Everything I do is Possible

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Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly,
but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway. ~ Mary Kay Ash

Oh WOW, isnt this a good one!

The moment I read it, of course my dorky mind went straight to thoughts of my own butt, thinking, Bumble bee=big butt.....and.... Pam=round butt!
But of course as fast as that thought raced into my mind, it raced back out and the real aha moment exploded in my head.
I mean the bumble bee just keeps on going, flower to flower,
not having a clue he could possibly fail!

Just imagine, if you NEVER ever had a thought that you could fail at what you were attempting. Regardless of what the task or problem was!
Imagine everything you do, everyone you meet, all the tasks you tackle,
began with the simple phrase in your head and heart that said:

EVERYTHING I DO IS POSSIBLE.

Wow, what a concept. Just think of all the time you would save! Time spent worrying if you can do it, or moments wasted on negative thoughts, or precious minutes sucked away from believing you cant do it. We are the only ones who breed these thoughts.
Our subconscious is powerful and competent. We just dont listen to it often enough.
We lace our dreams with doubt, a doubt of our own abilities and our own enthusiasms.

I shall make it a point to do two things.
1. BELIEVE in myself. I have to power to do anything and it is my choice to leave doubt locked away. After all, I am the one who holds the key to the doubt box!
2. Remember I cant always do the possible alone. Friends, family, companions, partners and the big guy upstairs are but a thought, a wish, and a prayer away.......and are always there for us. ~ p. hawkins

Listening W A V E

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. ~ Epictetus




Stop for a moment.......just listen. Listen to the air around you.
Listen to the silence for just a moment.
In quiet moments of the day, I find that, very often, I dont quite recognize a QUIET MOMENT when I have them until it has passed.
I would dearly like to pay attention to them when a listening wave comes my way. And instead of standing straight and strong trying to withstand that moment in time, I want to embrace it......recognize it.......and enjoy that quiet moment.

Stop and listen to yourself........breath in and out gently....close your eyes.......and pay attention to what your heart has to say.
I know its just itchin to have a conversation with me, yet I dont stop the rest of me who is going 100 mph today to listen to my heart as it beats a rhythm in my chest.....or listen to my soul as it thirsts for spirit, or listen to my own vibrations to recognize that all things around me can be appreciated and enjoyed if I just listen. ~ p.hawkins

Babysteps through the door

How often it is, that seeing what is on the other side of that open door, is slightly skewed by the view on this side. Regardless of how pleasant it is or how horrifying, this side of the door is full of stuff that keeps us here.
Problems, material things, emotions, people, work, and even small things like habits. It can be very hard to make that first step through the door.
Sometimes we even fail to see the outstretched hand of a friend or family member, who is reaching through the door to GRAB you and help you babystep your way through......sometimes we feel we just cant reach that far.
Yes the distance can be as little as a breeze blowing between their fingers and yours, yet you feel it is a mile away and you cant reach it.

Baby steps are the vehicle, but FAITH is the fuel that will get you there.

It is my prayer today, that I keep babystepping through the door!

For Mom today...

This Queen Anns Lace is for Mom today........I miss you!

Summer visit...

On my summer visit to Rochester in October 08!

Salt shaker in my back pocket...

It was a hot summer day and I had a salt shaker in my back pocket!

Gardening Growing pains...

After the crew stopped for a few minutes from pulling siding off my house, they were eyeing my little efforts at my gardening.
I pinched little bits of herbs and things for them to smell and taste. I said I wanted to take out all the recycle cement block pieces and replace with old brick so they didnt hesitate a moment, and went and pulled out every one of them!

Yippeeee! now I can make the edge:
1. Much prettier!
2. Not so dangerous! (those sharp cement shards are hard on the legs and knees when you kneel on them)

So after they are gone, I shall start my winter work on the garden........HOW COOL IS THAT!

The transformation has begun...

My sister nancy and me examining the damage!
Lots of water damage from an old roof that leaked for a longgggg time.
As you can see, Jak is trying his best to look like the boss!

Well, the new roof is on.........and my family has arrived from Colorado Springs to start the rebuilding process!

Missing spring....

I feel like this today........somewhere inside there is a pretty girl......but today I feel sad. I have long gazed at these Sweet Pea buds this past summer. Gazing at them realizing there is a beautiful delicate feminine flower, drenched in sweet summer fragrance about to pop out of there.

But when you see it like this it seems sad, with its head hanging over, not knowing how to come out.....how to break out and shine.
At this moment it feels like there is no hope of becoming whole again.

Where is the sun to bust her out of her shell.

THEY ARE RIPPING IT OFF!

Yes my darling peeps.......they are ripping off my ............ wait for it......wait.......my ROOF!

About 8 guys arrived at 8 am and now I feel like I am in a little box! They are scraping and hammering and the whole place is shaking!

But later I will post a pic.....as by nightfall I will have a NEW ROOF!!!!!!

*Pam doing a happy dance*

The last of my baby sweet peas

Here they are
at the end of summer
dried and open
with seeds to give

a gift of nature
to pay it forward
placed in my hand
a promise made

I shall do my duty
to dry and save them
careful to touch
their delicate shells

I'll remove the vines
all twisted and brown
and kiss the ground
goodnight for the winter

I have given my promise
to the Sweet Peas of summer
to bring forth the beauty
when the ground turns warm

Started in my window
in little cuplets
all toasty and warm
while the cold winds blow

As they grow and play
as little babies in my window
I shall delight in their laughter
as their baby petals grow

Then as they scream
to be planted in my garden
I shall carry them out
as they feel the spring rains

"Me, I want that spot!"
"No plant me there!"
As they all pic a location
in the ground they will go

I shall speak to the sweet peas
A gift of God
feeling ever so grateful
for my Sweet Pea Pods

Side 2-AFTER

(now I am ready for my new editorial assistant to begin! Anne where are you?)

Ok you guys.......this is my assistant side of the room, behind me, after a day.
Also I have not had curtains in this room since I started working in here 5 years ago......so yesturday, I got some cutie little shabby chic sear sucker tiers and put them up! (me and the hammer had a fight, and i fell off the darn ladder, but all is good though!)

The "other" side of the room!

Now......this is the OTHER wall. It was actually a closet that I turned into another little office section. I made a table, piano hinged it to the wall, gave it a "1" leg support and it works quite well. The top shelf is all office supplies.
The rest of the stuff, the pink boxes and all the stacked stuff is all magazine things and projects! I had to just keep stacking stuff so I could keep moving onto the spring issue of the magazine.
So today will be getting these two walls done!

I have now perfected my 3 step process.
1. Sort
2. Clean
3. Toss out un-needed stuff and organized Saved stuff.

Not sure if that would be the professional organizers way....but it seems to be working. I however, will need more garbage bags! hahahahah
I shall show you an "after" shot shortly!

Cheer-io!
Pam

9 hours later...

Ok.......here is the same space 9 hours later........3 garbage bags and 15 million DUST BUNNY NESTS!
I shall start on the photography side tomorrow!

*where is my pillow.....I am ready for a nap now!*

KATIE MADE ME DO IT!

Ok Miss Katie!

This is for you! Your my inspiration to make sure I get this done!!!!
I have to say, as I look at the picture, there are so many things that have sat for over a year, that I could not get to, yet the the boxes to the right are all the projects from the Spring issue of Bead Unique that just shipped to the printer.

I have canceled all of my day plans to now tackle this room!!!!!!

*where are those file boxes and garbage bags!*

Pam

The First New day...

Well it is the first new day of the year. I guess I always think of January 1 as a celebration day.....a day of reflection and a day of lists! hahahah
When your around family you get caught up in all the hustle and bustle of the new year celebrations, when your alone, its lists! Well, that is how it is for me.

I think we all look back at how the year has been and how things may look to the future. I myself am very happy 2008 is behind me.
Although it has been wrought with sadness and heavy burdens, it has also released me from them as well.

it reminds me of a song that has a line "...jack me up, shoot me up, flying down the highway..." It is an old trucker song where the driver is in the diner and drinking his coffee, and getting ready to be all jazzed to be alive and awake and to take on the highway in his truck doing what he loves.
Well that is me.

So a few things that I am making resolutions on are:
1. Pay attention to the lists. Yes I am a list maker. However, in the past I have made my lists yet not always payed attention to them. You know, who called, what paper to touch, which box to move.....but this year is a "pay attention" year for me.
2. Make my bucket list. Begin my list of just what do I truly want to do before I kick the bucket!
3. Begin each day with prayer. Oh I have been doing it, but I want to make sure I do it with PASSION!

Well, those are the three to start with....all the rest will fall into place with Gods plan.

I wish all of you the very best in 2009

So what is on your LIST?

Pam
*photo is taken at Lake Tahoe in the early evening.......it makes me think of all things possible when I look at it....as if there is no end to our dreams*

VISIONS of Summer 2

A delightful tomato flower....waiting to bring us some fruit! The strawberry's didnt produce too much, but what I did pick were melt in your mouth!

RAIN RAIN RAIN

Hello all!

Well, it is STILL raining out there!

I am trying to start tracking for the magazine, but have contractors coming by the house today......so interuptions!

It is 10:15 and I still have not had breakfast!

So while I start getting myself BACK into my blogging mode, lets just see a few flowers and such ok?

Have a great day all!

They were as big as your head!

The last one hangs at the top of my window. Its brown and dead now. The shape is perfect though. I had 5 of them. One by one, they never made it through all the moves and packing's of my life. Yet one made it through.

I am not sure how. Pure stubbornness of my grandmother I am sure. It came from her garden. From the bush at the front side of the house.

She used to lean over the porch and watch it. She would direct me where to pinch and where to cut. The love in her voice made it a wonderful activity. Pinch there honey, and cut that off. That Queen of the Hydrangea's will be bigger next year.

I couldn't imagine that it could be bigger than it already was, yet it showed me it could. I went down to my grandmothers every weekend. We would marvel at her green thumb, yet it was me who did all the touching and work. It's as if she sang to them at night, from the porch, and that was all the nourishment they all needed.

And the hydrangeas were the queens of it all. Towering and massive. We used to take pictures of the blossoms in our hands, laughing and smiling at how majestic they were. They were as big as your head,
she would say!

Today, for the first time since she has passed away, I have taken pictures of my own little bush. My own little hydrangea. The first I have dared grow on my own.

Today, I held them in my hands and thought of nothing but her. Looking up at my own porch wishing she was standing there with her black hair and wrinkled skin. That pink flower shirt she loved and those
dark rimmed glasses.

I walked in and looked at the dried fragile hydrangea pinned to the curtain on my window. It was the last one I picked before she died. I had a bouquet of them. That was the last. Today, I saw her face on my porch. I felt her love in my hands.

I laughed...they were as big as my head!

Under Construction?????

I do really hate to see that "under construction" stuff, but I am trying to make this page how I want it and I am not doing very well!

After all, if your not totally knowledgable in all of this, then it is hit and miss and HOPE you get what you THINK your setting! hahahah

So as it evolves.....let me know what you think? Good or Bad........I can take it!

*now where is that stick I need to bite on!*

Too many times we stand aside and let the waters slip away, till what we put off till tomorrow has now become today. So don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied. Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide.~ unknown

As I typed the date in the subject line today, I was shocked that it was already June.

I am mad at June! Sneaking up on me like that! I was not prepared for her coming....I would have baked a cake or something when she arrived, but she came un-announced and blasted right into my life.....and brought the sun for my baby zucchini and herb plants with her! Now she also brought the snails, the weeds and the blackberry bushes that are invading everything and she can take those back, but I guess as some of those old sayings go I have to deal with a little itchy weeds and prickly bushes to have the good stuff.........so WHERE ARE MY GARDENING GLOVES! ~ p.hawkins

there are days when
my armour seems thin
I am unprotected
exposed and raw

I have held it in
and pushed it down
I can do it I say
yet I am not believing

the tiny thing sets it off
insignificant yet crushing
a file, a phone call, a word
it isn't much

then the train wreck seems to happen
shoving, pushing,
scraping and ripping up your insides
there is no mercy

the outside shell breaks
in a million pieces
you cant pick them up
composure is not an option

the phone rings and I am
in the middle of a breakdown
then there is a voice
a voice to rescue me

the voice knows
my weaknesses
my thresh hold
my tears

The voice contains comfort
an appeal to my heart
Sending silken band aids
to soak up the tears

The voice says go sit in the sun
pull a few weeds
look at the roses
smell the sweet peas

Then a sip of cold water
fresh from the hose
my spirit is refreshed
I am now composed

the voice sends a note
to tell me to SMILE
accompanied by a picture
I am safe here and now

my insides still whimper
hanging onto the voice
but my heart feels his comfort
he loves me by choice

Here I go again!

Well, here I go AGAIN............

You know I hate to pack! I really do. The gathering, the laundry, the filling little containers with shampoo.....it is all so tedious.

But when it is all said and done......when the last little bit goes in and I am standing there looking at the bed, suitcases packed and organized and just waiting for me to ZIP EM UP.....it is pretty cool.

Most of you know about the tatoo on my forehead....the one that says "organized clutter person".....so getting packed for a week trip usually takes me about 5-6 hours.........YES I KNOW....but it does. Shorter sometimes if I have had a little time to keep my life in order. But with the deadlines this past few weeks, everything has taken a back seat so sorting through things is time consuming.....so my big soft queen size bead is COVERED in travel gear!

I leave out of here at the crack of ugly, about 4 am on Monday morning for Milwaukee!

BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER
BRATS
BEER BEER BEER!

I plan on having more than a few Reds and Berry Wise and taste as many other new ones I can find! There is a Brew pub place downtown I love to go to....cant remember it, but it is down the street from where the show is and I like it! they have a sampler of beer and last year there was a banana flavored..........EEEEEUUUUUUU it was gross, but the rest were ok.
I just can NOT do the sock beers. You know, the ones that smell like old socks? I cant do the hoppy stuff.........but i am getting better.

OH and I have to go to Kops.......I think that is the name of it. And there is a fab market that i get 10 yr old cheddar to bring home too!


*pam checks her list
plant the herbs
water the garden
dont forget the shampoo
and oh that new camera
and the RENTAL CAR......phew my head is spinning just thinking about it*
*
*
*

Good Morning Everyone!

I am now and then reminded of past unpleasant memories by someone else usually.
In conversations about former companions or past jobs, it is not unusual to recollect how awful that situation was or what happened. However, it is not usually me remembering it. It is the person I am having the conversation with.

For some reason I CHOOSE to remember the GOOD STUFF and let go of the other. I dont do it intentionally, but it happens. It is me.

I am glad I am built that way.

I always look at Today and all the tomorrows as if it is a box layed at my feet every morning. A GIFT!

• Each day is tied in a ribbon of color. Alive and vibrant.
• Each box has a tag. It has only one name on it. Pam
• Inside is a brand new day, a new start, a chance to have a PROMISE and.....all I have to do is ...

OPEN THE BOX!

I wake up with those thoughts running through me.....and it makes me think about who I am...and smile!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!!

Pam~

Saturday morning..........

Good Morning all!

I WANT TO SEE MY RED SOX!
Well since I dont have my MLB.COM anymore, I cant watch the games..........so I am not a happy girl! Oh well, there is SC at night I guess. *pouting*

Well, it is about 9:30 am.........my biking/beach walking day off! And my first saturday off in AGES? hahah

So here is the agenda: (oh and not nessisarily in this order or I might change my mind or hm whatever!!!)

1. Shower
2. More coffee
3. Bead
4. Pull a few more weeds and make room for plants in baby garden
5. Dismantle the TAX TABLE!!! (yahooo)
6. Make breakfast.....hmmm might do that sooner then later
7. Give Sissy a bath
8. Do nothing! ......i like this item!

Oh and news...........I added a photo album here so you will have to tell me if it is working........or if the shots look like crap or whatever.
I willl also try to add photos of moms new sweet peas!

So have a wonderful day everyone.

Hugs and CHICKEN kisses!

Lupin Fairies!

Thoughts for Thursday, May 15, 2008

When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now, when every new baby is born, its first laugh becomes a fairy. ~ James Matthew Barrie

Wow, what a vision! I have been getting up at 5:30 am every day.......and walking on the beach. Its heavenly and godly all at the same time. (remind me to tell all of you about the man living in the VW and the little story he told me about the ocean and how it heals)
But yesturday, I finally got back to my storage and got all the props and photo stuff and seats OUT OF THE VAN, and I got my bike back IN!

So today, I got up, got all the stuff, and headed for the beach road. I rode the bike for almost 7 miles day.........and although I have not been on it for, oh dear, since november??.....it felt like yesturday.

The smell of the beach, the hot air coming in over the mountains (which made me change shirts) and when the wind shifted, the cold-moist-wet air hit me from the ocean. It is hard not to feel ALIVE at that moment.

BUT...........I started to ride......and the roads are overflowing with these bushes that have tall yellow or purple flowers on it.....they look like lupins..(like I know what a lupin is) ........and I am not sure of the name, but they smell like a cross between lilacs and magnolias and sweet sugar. It is intoxicating. and as I rode, the fog cleared and the beach looked like there should be some hotties running along the road headed for the sand and surf!

Every few feet I would come up to another bush of lupins (hahah) and there would be little tiny birds on the ground dashing inbetween the brances. I mean it reminded me of that huge big snowstorm we had in NY long ago....in the 60's I think, where the snow drifts and banks were so tall we made tunnels in and out of them. I can see it now. All of us kids, dashing in and out of the tunnels, GIGGLING and having the time of our lives!
But these little birds, hopping and skipping in and out of the holes the brances offered looked like they were having a blast too.
So for me, those were the little fairies of the lupins.........there, just to entertain me! And it was free! ~p.hawkins

Thoughts for Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind. ~ Daphne Du Maurier

I had a friend call me this morning at 5:30 am. (yes I requested it) The damn sun wasn't even out!!! In fact when they called I asked Is the sun out???! They got a reallllllllll giggle out of my sleepy condition. However, I got up, got a coffee and a yogurt and with my eyes mostly closed, got dressed with what I had set out the night before.
I would have NEVER found my sneakers, or pants or underwear even, had I not got it all out and ready.

So off I went. I get there, eat a yogurt quickly, and prepare my jacket.

1. kleenex
2. nail polish (in case I decide to do them......heck i never get time to do them so if I am on a power walk, waht better place to do your nails?!? well accept when your driving)
3. drivers licence, in case a whale eats me
4. key to get back in car...taken off the big ass ring so it doesnt weigh my jacket down
5. plastic baggie in case I find any goodies that might still be wiggly or icky
6. cell phone to send quick snapshots of my morning adventure or in case a whale eats me
7. hair bobs to tackle my hair once it starts to friz Lock the car and ready-set-go!

Now walking out to my walk area is like walking on a mattress for EVER it seems, (soft sand sucks) but once I am there..........the ocean just snatches onto my heart and reals me in like a big pam fish. Standing there as close to the water as I can get......the ocean mist surrounds my head, moistens my skin, and in that moment...........I say my prayers........say hi to Mom and Maggie and Gary........and feel blessed to be alive! ~ p.hawkins

Headed to the movies!

I think, since the north coast has thrown a blanket of haze over the land, I might go see a movie.

I have so much to do and it is so overwhelming, that I think I might just eat some breakfast and then head to the movies.

Jumper.........or Fools Gold? Not sure........maybe both? hahahahaha (dont want to be greedy)

So what movies have you seen lately? Or are you going to see?

Have fun on this glorious sunday!

Pam

I think I am back???

Hello all!

Well, I think I am back!

I know I have been MIA lately, but I dont plan to keep it that way.

I have discovered blogging in the myspace place and a few others and have learned to love it! How to customize it, and how to share it with many other people.

It takes a while and it is a little harder when it is just a page-in-space! So I shall try to see if I can really utilize this space like I want!

Wish me luck! Or, if you see this, respond so i can see if this is actualy getting out there!!!

Pam