VISIONS of Summer 2

A delightful tomato flower....waiting to bring us some fruit! The strawberry's didnt produce too much, but what I did pick were melt in your mouth!

RAIN RAIN RAIN

Hello all!

Well, it is STILL raining out there!

I am trying to start tracking for the magazine, but have contractors coming by the house today......so interuptions!

It is 10:15 and I still have not had breakfast!

So while I start getting myself BACK into my blogging mode, lets just see a few flowers and such ok?

Have a great day all!

They were as big as your head!

The last one hangs at the top of my window. Its brown and dead now. The shape is perfect though. I had 5 of them. One by one, they never made it through all the moves and packing's of my life. Yet one made it through.

I am not sure how. Pure stubbornness of my grandmother I am sure. It came from her garden. From the bush at the front side of the house.

She used to lean over the porch and watch it. She would direct me where to pinch and where to cut. The love in her voice made it a wonderful activity. Pinch there honey, and cut that off. That Queen of the Hydrangea's will be bigger next year.

I couldn't imagine that it could be bigger than it already was, yet it showed me it could. I went down to my grandmothers every weekend. We would marvel at her green thumb, yet it was me who did all the touching and work. It's as if she sang to them at night, from the porch, and that was all the nourishment they all needed.

And the hydrangeas were the queens of it all. Towering and massive. We used to take pictures of the blossoms in our hands, laughing and smiling at how majestic they were. They were as big as your head,
she would say!

Today, for the first time since she has passed away, I have taken pictures of my own little bush. My own little hydrangea. The first I have dared grow on my own.

Today, I held them in my hands and thought of nothing but her. Looking up at my own porch wishing she was standing there with her black hair and wrinkled skin. That pink flower shirt she loved and those
dark rimmed glasses.

I walked in and looked at the dried fragile hydrangea pinned to the curtain on my window. It was the last one I picked before she died. I had a bouquet of them. That was the last. Today, I saw her face on my porch. I felt her love in my hands.

I laughed...they were as big as my head!

Under Construction?????

I do really hate to see that "under construction" stuff, but I am trying to make this page how I want it and I am not doing very well!

After all, if your not totally knowledgable in all of this, then it is hit and miss and HOPE you get what you THINK your setting! hahahah

So as it evolves.....let me know what you think? Good or Bad........I can take it!

*now where is that stick I need to bite on!*

Too many times we stand aside and let the waters slip away, till what we put off till tomorrow has now become today. So don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied. Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide.~ unknown

As I typed the date in the subject line today, I was shocked that it was already June.

I am mad at June! Sneaking up on me like that! I was not prepared for her coming....I would have baked a cake or something when she arrived, but she came un-announced and blasted right into my life.....and brought the sun for my baby zucchini and herb plants with her! Now she also brought the snails, the weeds and the blackberry bushes that are invading everything and she can take those back, but I guess as some of those old sayings go I have to deal with a little itchy weeds and prickly bushes to have the good stuff.........so WHERE ARE MY GARDENING GLOVES! ~ p.hawkins

there are days when
my armour seems thin
I am unprotected
exposed and raw

I have held it in
and pushed it down
I can do it I say
yet I am not believing

the tiny thing sets it off
insignificant yet crushing
a file, a phone call, a word
it isn't much

then the train wreck seems to happen
shoving, pushing,
scraping and ripping up your insides
there is no mercy

the outside shell breaks
in a million pieces
you cant pick them up
composure is not an option

the phone rings and I am
in the middle of a breakdown
then there is a voice
a voice to rescue me

the voice knows
my weaknesses
my thresh hold
my tears

The voice contains comfort
an appeal to my heart
Sending silken band aids
to soak up the tears

The voice says go sit in the sun
pull a few weeds
look at the roses
smell the sweet peas

Then a sip of cold water
fresh from the hose
my spirit is refreshed
I am now composed

the voice sends a note
to tell me to SMILE
accompanied by a picture
I am safe here and now

my insides still whimper
hanging onto the voice
but my heart feels his comfort
he loves me by choice

Here I go again!

Well, here I go AGAIN............

You know I hate to pack! I really do. The gathering, the laundry, the filling little containers with shampoo.....it is all so tedious.

But when it is all said and done......when the last little bit goes in and I am standing there looking at the bed, suitcases packed and organized and just waiting for me to ZIP EM UP.....it is pretty cool.

Most of you know about the tatoo on my forehead....the one that says "organized clutter person".....so getting packed for a week trip usually takes me about 5-6 hours.........YES I KNOW....but it does. Shorter sometimes if I have had a little time to keep my life in order. But with the deadlines this past few weeks, everything has taken a back seat so sorting through things is time consuming.....so my big soft queen size bead is COVERED in travel gear!

I leave out of here at the crack of ugly, about 4 am on Monday morning for Milwaukee!

BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER
BRATS
BEER BEER BEER!

I plan on having more than a few Reds and Berry Wise and taste as many other new ones I can find! There is a Brew pub place downtown I love to go to....cant remember it, but it is down the street from where the show is and I like it! they have a sampler of beer and last year there was a banana flavored..........EEEEEUUUUUUU it was gross, but the rest were ok.
I just can NOT do the sock beers. You know, the ones that smell like old socks? I cant do the hoppy stuff.........but i am getting better.

OH and I have to go to Kops.......I think that is the name of it. And there is a fab market that i get 10 yr old cheddar to bring home too!


*pam checks her list
plant the herbs
water the garden
dont forget the shampoo
and oh that new camera
and the RENTAL CAR......phew my head is spinning just thinking about it*
*
*
*

Good Morning Everyone!

I am now and then reminded of past unpleasant memories by someone else usually.
In conversations about former companions or past jobs, it is not unusual to recollect how awful that situation was or what happened. However, it is not usually me remembering it. It is the person I am having the conversation with.

For some reason I CHOOSE to remember the GOOD STUFF and let go of the other. I dont do it intentionally, but it happens. It is me.

I am glad I am built that way.

I always look at Today and all the tomorrows as if it is a box layed at my feet every morning. A GIFT!

• Each day is tied in a ribbon of color. Alive and vibrant.
• Each box has a tag. It has only one name on it. Pam
• Inside is a brand new day, a new start, a chance to have a PROMISE and.....all I have to do is ...

OPEN THE BOX!

I wake up with those thoughts running through me.....and it makes me think about who I am...and smile!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!!

Pam~

Saturday morning..........

Good Morning all!

I WANT TO SEE MY RED SOX!
Well since I dont have my MLB.COM anymore, I cant watch the games..........so I am not a happy girl! Oh well, there is SC at night I guess. *pouting*

Well, it is about 9:30 am.........my biking/beach walking day off! And my first saturday off in AGES? hahah

So here is the agenda: (oh and not nessisarily in this order or I might change my mind or hm whatever!!!)

1. Shower
2. More coffee
3. Bead
4. Pull a few more weeds and make room for plants in baby garden
5. Dismantle the TAX TABLE!!! (yahooo)
6. Make breakfast.....hmmm might do that sooner then later
7. Give Sissy a bath
8. Do nothing! ......i like this item!

Oh and news...........I added a photo album here so you will have to tell me if it is working........or if the shots look like crap or whatever.
I willl also try to add photos of moms new sweet peas!

So have a wonderful day everyone.

Hugs and CHICKEN kisses!

Lupin Fairies!

Thoughts for Thursday, May 15, 2008

When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now, when every new baby is born, its first laugh becomes a fairy. ~ James Matthew Barrie

Wow, what a vision! I have been getting up at 5:30 am every day.......and walking on the beach. Its heavenly and godly all at the same time. (remind me to tell all of you about the man living in the VW and the little story he told me about the ocean and how it heals)
But yesturday, I finally got back to my storage and got all the props and photo stuff and seats OUT OF THE VAN, and I got my bike back IN!

So today, I got up, got all the stuff, and headed for the beach road. I rode the bike for almost 7 miles day.........and although I have not been on it for, oh dear, since november??.....it felt like yesturday.

The smell of the beach, the hot air coming in over the mountains (which made me change shirts) and when the wind shifted, the cold-moist-wet air hit me from the ocean. It is hard not to feel ALIVE at that moment.

BUT...........I started to ride......and the roads are overflowing with these bushes that have tall yellow or purple flowers on it.....they look like lupins..(like I know what a lupin is) ........and I am not sure of the name, but they smell like a cross between lilacs and magnolias and sweet sugar. It is intoxicating. and as I rode, the fog cleared and the beach looked like there should be some hotties running along the road headed for the sand and surf!

Every few feet I would come up to another bush of lupins (hahah) and there would be little tiny birds on the ground dashing inbetween the brances. I mean it reminded me of that huge big snowstorm we had in NY long ago....in the 60's I think, where the snow drifts and banks were so tall we made tunnels in and out of them. I can see it now. All of us kids, dashing in and out of the tunnels, GIGGLING and having the time of our lives!
But these little birds, hopping and skipping in and out of the holes the brances offered looked like they were having a blast too.
So for me, those were the little fairies of the lupins.........there, just to entertain me! And it was free! ~p.hawkins

Thoughts for Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind. ~ Daphne Du Maurier

I had a friend call me this morning at 5:30 am. (yes I requested it) The damn sun wasn't even out!!! In fact when they called I asked Is the sun out???! They got a reallllllllll giggle out of my sleepy condition. However, I got up, got a coffee and a yogurt and with my eyes mostly closed, got dressed with what I had set out the night before.
I would have NEVER found my sneakers, or pants or underwear even, had I not got it all out and ready.

So off I went. I get there, eat a yogurt quickly, and prepare my jacket.

1. kleenex
2. nail polish (in case I decide to do them......heck i never get time to do them so if I am on a power walk, waht better place to do your nails?!? well accept when your driving)
3. drivers licence, in case a whale eats me
4. key to get back in car...taken off the big ass ring so it doesnt weigh my jacket down
5. plastic baggie in case I find any goodies that might still be wiggly or icky
6. cell phone to send quick snapshots of my morning adventure or in case a whale eats me
7. hair bobs to tackle my hair once it starts to friz Lock the car and ready-set-go!

Now walking out to my walk area is like walking on a mattress for EVER it seems, (soft sand sucks) but once I am there..........the ocean just snatches onto my heart and reals me in like a big pam fish. Standing there as close to the water as I can get......the ocean mist surrounds my head, moistens my skin, and in that moment...........I say my prayers........say hi to Mom and Maggie and Gary........and feel blessed to be alive! ~ p.hawkins

Headed to the movies!

I think, since the north coast has thrown a blanket of haze over the land, I might go see a movie.

I have so much to do and it is so overwhelming, that I think I might just eat some breakfast and then head to the movies.

Jumper.........or Fools Gold? Not sure........maybe both? hahahahaha (dont want to be greedy)

So what movies have you seen lately? Or are you going to see?

Have fun on this glorious sunday!

Pam

I think I am back???

Hello all!

Well, I think I am back!

I know I have been MIA lately, but I dont plan to keep it that way.

I have discovered blogging in the myspace place and a few others and have learned to love it! How to customize it, and how to share it with many other people.

It takes a while and it is a little harder when it is just a page-in-space! So I shall try to see if I can really utilize this space like I want!

Wish me luck! Or, if you see this, respond so i can see if this is actualy getting out there!!!

Pam

Wow, I can not believe it has been this long since I had a chance, or desire to put a few notes here! I start out with the best intentions of keeping this up, and somehow 'life' interupts things and slows me down!

Ok so I am not usually the one to sit here and complain. It is not my nature at all. Just ask any of my friends. I am one of the happiest and most possative personalities that they know. Oh belive me I dont cultivate it or usually have to 'try' to be that way. It just naturally happens. (thank god) I love life. I love my job. (yes I truly do) and I love living.

But........every now and then, the blues seep into my own little corner. I got up this morning.......It was almost 7 am. I havent heard much from my honey. He is extreemely busy. And I am now at a different place with my work. I can actually take a shower in the morning if I want to and come in here to work looking like the hot chick I am ! (joking)

I rode bike every day this week. I got 11 miles in yesturday and at least 10 miles each of the other days. And today it is raining......I knew it was coming ............... the dam weather man said so. And riding yest afternoon with ocean fog all over and clouds overhead told me it was true. So I rode for all i was worth yesturday.

So the rain is here today.........it is friday..........I have to work this weekend, but it is ok..........lots of those domestic things like ironing! hahahahah

But no friends to go see, no bbq's to attend, no bowling buddies to get strikes with, and no bf around. I hope all of you have some sunshine in your corner..........I need to chase the blues out of mine!!!!!!!!So what are all of you doing today and this weekend? Maybe I need to smile for everyone else today!!!Have a great day all!

You all know those kind of laughs that start out small, a giggle or two. Then they progress to some out and out laughter. Then the loud laughing that gathers attention if you are in earshot of anyone. And then.....the laughing is just one continuous roll -- followed by uncontrollable gut wrenching howling and your eyes are tearing up ~ your cheeks hurt from smiling so big ~ your gut hurts ~ and your crossing your legs hard because your about to wet your pants!!!!

Well, I talked to my sister today, and we had one of those laughing moments! My gut still hurts from lauging so hard! You know......banging your hand on the table as you belt out the screams of joy kind of laughter! hahaha

The story goes: She is testing out a new car........and all the things her old car used to do, are not what the new car does. Now my sister is pretty practical and fairly mechanical.....but in this case, she got the dork award. The control to move the seat forward and the rear view mirrors were her challange and it was soooooooo funny to listen to her. And when she got to the end of her rope, trying to figure out how to adjust the mirrors, my sister... who never swears too much said, "I am a 40 year old, grown woman with a college degree.......I should be able to find the @#%&@* Mirror adjustmants on this dam thing!", well I lost it right then and there and I laughed and laughed.

And my other sister in NY, well, it is another laugh fest as well. I miss them! I so miss being around family. So to all of you who have family around.......especially the ones that can make you smile, bring a spot of sunshine in your life, or just enhance you in any way..........I envy you.
And to the rest of you who dont, and they live far away or you just dont see them often......call them!

I had the best laugh I have had in a long time. Boy that feels good!

Have a fantastic weekend everyone!
Cheers,
Pam

I sit here in my jammies and fuzzy slippers on this lazy Saturday morning, (well it is actually afternoon now!) and gaze out the window. The horizontal lines of the white blinds seem to perfectly seperate my view in little tiny compartments. Like pieces of a visual puzzle. Blinds remind me of antique houses and grandmothers windows. Utilitarian decorating? Don't know, but it is familiar to my eyes. You know a house is just not a house if there isnt at least one mini blind someplace.

I am knee deep in magazine, Fall issue #14, projects to get in. So I am going to get some breakfast and dive into it all. OH and I taped the Alien-vs-Preditor movie a few days ago and I am going to put that in, and play it all day and nite! Love that one. Creepy!!

The image is of Clam Beach a few days ago.........Have a great Weekend all!

Pamela~AKA-Queen Dork

Easter Sunday...

Sunday April 8, 2007--It is a beautiful day in the North Coast of California. I have sat in bed and sipped my capuccino and snuggled with Sissy dog and enjoyed the morning.

Sissy Cat news--Sissy cat has a new home! Yes she has a new home. I have struggled with the notion of finding Sissy Cat another home besides myself over and over again. But knowing it was my job to take care of her, I never went beyond letting her go anyplace. this past year, Mark, the guy who used to help take care of Mom before I got here, has been house and cat sitting for me. Him and Doris, his mom, both helped Mom. So mark has helped me with things here and there, including house sitting. So before my last trip, I had really, for the first time, thought about how much Mark has grown to Love Sissy. He just stays here 24/7 while I am gone and pampers her to no end. So I thought, about asking him if he might want to see if he and Doris wanted to adopt her. I dont know why I never thought of it before. What a perfect match.

Well to make a long story short...............he took her over for an 'introductory' meeting of his indor/outdoor cat and they actually hissed but didnt fight. So he kept her at his house for that whole week I traveled, and she now has a PERFECT new home. She is now doing things at Mark & Doris's that she never did her. She is now in a CAT house and is so loving it. I know Mom would be happy. (it was very hard to come home to a completely empty house though)

Everyone have a wonderful Easter! Eat lots of chocolate and lots of PEEPS! (this is the first year in a very long time, that I have not had a peep to eat!)

Love and blessings!

Pam

Changes.........

The sun is trying really hard to shine today! But the misty rain and clouds are winning. I just had to close all the doors and windows as it got cold fast.

Well, the Summer issue of Bead Unique will be out in a week or so...........and the Class Guide is printing as we speak!

So now it is onto working on the next issue and a few other great projects that are in the works!

OH another interesting and life changing event was getting and reading The Secret on March 6th. Changed my life in the most profound and joyful way. If you have not read it, then i highly recommend you do.

Ok off to weed the garden a little so I can smell the dirt and I need to plant the sweet peas or mom will not be happy with me from the angel clouds above!

Have a great Easter!

Home from Tucson

Well, it has been quite a while since I last posted a note! June 06 to be exact! Wow!
I just got back from So Cal and Tucson. Came home sick from Tucson but had a good Bead show there.
I am glad to get home to the rain forests of North Cal though! Here is a little desert for you!
Pam

Those Monday Blues.............they are all encompasing in what seems like a small black hole in the stockings of life, and it sucks you in until the run happens, and then you can break out!~p.hawkins

Here is the second Sissy! She is about 12 years old here, my best guess, as she was a rescue. And yes her toenails are painted....and she has a Swarovski crystal on one of her toes!

Well here is 1 of the two Sissy's! My inheritance from Loretta my Mom!

My daily visual inspiration...

To be sure, the most beautiful rose I have ever seen. The breathtaking beauty of this rose/cinnimon scented delicate flower is my inspiration on my desktop every day. I cant think of a better way to be aware of how blessed I am!

Let's get started? hahahaha

"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may makea fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you,but he will make a fool of himself too."- Samuel Butler

Ok..........this is a test. (actually a test to see if I can do this dork thing called a blog)
Isn't it all a test of some kind? Yeah there are fun tests, hard tests, intellictually brain sucking tests, and then there are the mental tests of life.
I shall explore this emotional unloading medium of a "Blog" to see how this works!
Now back to touching peoples lives with a single BEAD!
I am going to see 'over the hedge' today......................and I am looking forward to laughing a LOT!

Oh and if you are reading this and looking for some great insights......or politacal commentary.....or words of wisdom......then I think you might want to visit another place......for here ~ "I open my mouth and let words come out". They are my thoughts, fears, joys and accomplishments. My challanges, expectations and needs. My frustration, bravery and finish lines. To be sure however, there will always be my love of family and friends, appreciation and thankfulness for all the souls that have touched my life, and the grace of God!
~p. hawkins