The worries ran out the hole in my toe.......

(click to enlarge)

I dont know how every raindrop can hold so much magic. I could hear the thunder, and the noise.......and as quickly as the booms came and went, my ears forgot it. Soon after, the rain began to hit the tin roof and the skylight. As quickly as it smacks the surface, the sound races to me, out of breath, as if it can not wait to sing its song in my ears, and my worries run out of the hole in my toe. ~ p. hawkins


So many of you have had WHITE RAIN of late, and I hope you get to see the SEE THRU stuff soon, as it signals the on-slought of spring.
I had a 1 hour window of sun yesturday, and I busted out of the house and ran and got the gloves and the garden tools and got on my knees and dug in the garden and trimmed all my herbs and pulled weeds.
The smell of the DIRT and the HERBS, well the smell invaded my senses in the most delightful way. It was so intoxicating I was drunk from it..........I just wanted to lay down in in the black dirt and nap! hahahah

Here's hoping you all get some DIRT DAYS soooooon!

p.hawkins

(click to enlarge)

Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds. ~ Orison Swett Marden



I sometimes struggle with self motivation. Of course the level of self motivation can surely depend on the task at hand, be it overwhelming deadlines or just a load of laundry. Yet, I feel we all need to feel DRIVEN by something within ourselves.

The stumbling blocks of each day are always a litmus test of my self confidence. My ability to just STEP over them is rarely noticed by myself unless I feel I cant do it. If the stumbling block feels like a mountain, then i can feel myself stop dead in my tracks, look up, and I can feel the ability to dismiss its size has left me.
It doesn't happen often, I mean, you know me by now......I rarely let any obstacles get in the way of my goal, my passions, or my task at hand. (or saying what I think about it!)
Yeah, the odds have not always been in my favor, but it is my view of my own obstacles that dictate a can or cant attitude.

And there in lies the secret for me. Stumbling blocks are only obstacles if you LET them keep you from stepping over them.....YOU have the ability to determine their size. ~ p.hawkins

(ps. I might only be 5'2", yet my legs can step over pretty much anything!) .................hmmm, where is that mental ladder?

p.hawkins

A few things for my chicken soup!

(click to enlarge)

The herbs from my little wash-bin garden patch were delish in my soup last night!

p.hawkins

L A Z Y ~ S A T U R D A Y

The sun came out today.......

(click to enlarge)

Well, the sun DID come out today! I got what I needed to do this morning with staff and I hurried myself along gathering props and beaded pieces to shoot at the Marina!

I got there........and aside from chilly and a little pesky wind, all went MARVELOUS!

Have a WONDERFUL weekend everyone.

p.hawkins

Black eyed susan almost done.

Summer memories 2

(click to enlarge)

My Spring Just Joey ~ My Favorite!

Its trying to bust out..

(click to enlarge)

The rain has been coming down in buckets the past week. Today was no exception.

The warm weather and the rain is bring out out all my sprouts! The daffolils are blooming and my hydrangeas are leafing and my roses have leaves sticking out!
So I thought I would put up some of last years lovely blossoms.

Have a great week everyone!

p.hawkins

The Best shed lock

The other night when the thunder, lightning and the WIND woke me up, I opened my eyes and within moments I could hear noises.

I could hear rain on the skylights, wind at the side of the house and thunder. Well, although I was sung as a bug in a rug, I knew I had to find out what the other unknown noises were. The previous ones were expected and easily recognisable, but the banging could only mean trouble.

I got up, went to the front first and then the side and then the back. All view points gave me a visual confirmation that debre` and other stuff was dashing about. Nothing of consequense, but things I would need to clean up the next day.

Now as to the back yard, that was anotehr thing. I looked out and saw the shed doors both open and the wind banging them around and rain dashing into the open door.

So my eyes got big, I woke up quicker, and then got my robe and slippers on.

I knew that the padlock on the doors went with my sister a few weeks back, and I had only closed it with no lock at that time. It was snug and didn't seem to want to open, so i was OK with that. But the wind had other ideas.

So looking around for something to put in the latch hole was yielding nothing. No stick. No loopy things. Nothing. So I see a bag of plastic utensils I brought back from Tucson and thought....hey it will do till morning.

so off I trot with a few knives and forks to do the trick!

As you can see.......a secure yet dorky innovation, if I do say so myself.

p.hawkins

Empty...

I feel like I am just wandering up a long empty road......trying to find my way in the mist.
No light at the end of the road.
Just sorrow and sadness.
I dont like it here in this place, yet it has a grip on me.
I wish for it to let go.
It is heavy burden.
To carry such a feeling of hopelessness.
I am searching for that hand to reach in and lift me out.
(although it is a little hard to stick my hand out
from under the blanket cocoon of tears)

Honey I'm home...

(click to enlarge)

Hi everyone!

Well I am finally home. It was a long trip, or it seemed like a long one for sure. I LOVE to drive and I was so looking forward to this trip being as delightful as my last CHA/Tucson trip, but it seemed as if every stretch of driving was a rush to get to the destination. And then run run run.

However, the trip had its good and bad. I made some of the best connections I have ever made at both shows. The shows attendence was down, as was expected, yet my work seemed to be EXcellent!
I had a larger ontorage` this time. Which made for quite a spectical now and then. But all in all it worked out beautifully.

The very last night was the fabulous SWAROVSKI PARTY! It was the most incredible one I have ever attended. I was pulled from one person to the next and on it went like that all night. A few glasses of wine adn many connections and lots of laughter.
Picured here is myself, Laura Timmons (one of the new Swarovski Embassadors and our very own BU columnists) and Joanna Feller, my managing Editor. We had a great time!

So I amhome now....back at it......and going 100 mph again! I shall upload a ton of pics from the show in the next few days.

(I am wishing there was a voice in my house to say hello to when I get home.......I am so missing that)

p. hawkins

Everything I do is Possible

(click to enlarge)

Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly,
but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway. ~ Mary Kay Ash

Oh WOW, isnt this a good one!

The moment I read it, of course my dorky mind went straight to thoughts of my own butt, thinking, Bumble bee=big butt.....and.... Pam=round butt!
But of course as fast as that thought raced into my mind, it raced back out and the real aha moment exploded in my head.
I mean the bumble bee just keeps on going, flower to flower,
not having a clue he could possibly fail!

Just imagine, if you NEVER ever had a thought that you could fail at what you were attempting. Regardless of what the task or problem was!
Imagine everything you do, everyone you meet, all the tasks you tackle,
began with the simple phrase in your head and heart that said:

EVERYTHING I DO IS POSSIBLE.

Wow, what a concept. Just think of all the time you would save! Time spent worrying if you can do it, or moments wasted on negative thoughts, or precious minutes sucked away from believing you cant do it. We are the only ones who breed these thoughts.
Our subconscious is powerful and competent. We just dont listen to it often enough.
We lace our dreams with doubt, a doubt of our own abilities and our own enthusiasms.

I shall make it a point to do two things.
1. BELIEVE in myself. I have to power to do anything and it is my choice to leave doubt locked away. After all, I am the one who holds the key to the doubt box!
2. Remember I cant always do the possible alone. Friends, family, companions, partners and the big guy upstairs are but a thought, a wish, and a prayer away.......and are always there for us. ~ p. hawkins

Listening W A V E

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. ~ Epictetus




Stop for a moment.......just listen. Listen to the air around you.
Listen to the silence for just a moment.
In quiet moments of the day, I find that, very often, I dont quite recognize a QUIET MOMENT when I have them until it has passed.
I would dearly like to pay attention to them when a listening wave comes my way. And instead of standing straight and strong trying to withstand that moment in time, I want to embrace it......recognize it.......and enjoy that quiet moment.

Stop and listen to yourself........breath in and out gently....close your eyes.......and pay attention to what your heart has to say.
I know its just itchin to have a conversation with me, yet I dont stop the rest of me who is going 100 mph today to listen to my heart as it beats a rhythm in my chest.....or listen to my soul as it thirsts for spirit, or listen to my own vibrations to recognize that all things around me can be appreciated and enjoyed if I just listen. ~ p.hawkins

Babysteps through the door

How often it is, that seeing what is on the other side of that open door, is slightly skewed by the view on this side. Regardless of how pleasant it is or how horrifying, this side of the door is full of stuff that keeps us here.
Problems, material things, emotions, people, work, and even small things like habits. It can be very hard to make that first step through the door.
Sometimes we even fail to see the outstretched hand of a friend or family member, who is reaching through the door to GRAB you and help you babystep your way through......sometimes we feel we just cant reach that far.
Yes the distance can be as little as a breeze blowing between their fingers and yours, yet you feel it is a mile away and you cant reach it.

Baby steps are the vehicle, but FAITH is the fuel that will get you there.

It is my prayer today, that I keep babystepping through the door!

For Mom today...

This Queen Anns Lace is for Mom today........I miss you!

Summer visit...

On my summer visit to Rochester in October 08!

Salt shaker in my back pocket...

It was a hot summer day and I had a salt shaker in my back pocket!

Gardening Growing pains...

After the crew stopped for a few minutes from pulling siding off my house, they were eyeing my little efforts at my gardening.
I pinched little bits of herbs and things for them to smell and taste. I said I wanted to take out all the recycle cement block pieces and replace with old brick so they didnt hesitate a moment, and went and pulled out every one of them!

Yippeeee! now I can make the edge:
1. Much prettier!
2. Not so dangerous! (those sharp cement shards are hard on the legs and knees when you kneel on them)

So after they are gone, I shall start my winter work on the garden........HOW COOL IS THAT!

The transformation has begun...

My sister nancy and me examining the damage!
Lots of water damage from an old roof that leaked for a longgggg time.
As you can see, Jak is trying his best to look like the boss!

Well, the new roof is on.........and my family has arrived from Colorado Springs to start the rebuilding process!

Missing spring....

I feel like this today........somewhere inside there is a pretty girl......but today I feel sad. I have long gazed at these Sweet Pea buds this past summer. Gazing at them realizing there is a beautiful delicate feminine flower, drenched in sweet summer fragrance about to pop out of there.

But when you see it like this it seems sad, with its head hanging over, not knowing how to come out.....how to break out and shine.
At this moment it feels like there is no hope of becoming whole again.

Where is the sun to bust her out of her shell.

THEY ARE RIPPING IT OFF!

Yes my darling peeps.......they are ripping off my ............ wait for it......wait.......my ROOF!

About 8 guys arrived at 8 am and now I feel like I am in a little box! They are scraping and hammering and the whole place is shaking!

But later I will post a pic.....as by nightfall I will have a NEW ROOF!!!!!!

*Pam doing a happy dance*

The last of my baby sweet peas

Here they are
at the end of summer
dried and open
with seeds to give

a gift of nature
to pay it forward
placed in my hand
a promise made

I shall do my duty
to dry and save them
careful to touch
their delicate shells

I'll remove the vines
all twisted and brown
and kiss the ground
goodnight for the winter

I have given my promise
to the Sweet Peas of summer
to bring forth the beauty
when the ground turns warm

Started in my window
in little cuplets
all toasty and warm
while the cold winds blow

As they grow and play
as little babies in my window
I shall delight in their laughter
as their baby petals grow

Then as they scream
to be planted in my garden
I shall carry them out
as they feel the spring rains

"Me, I want that spot!"
"No plant me there!"
As they all pic a location
in the ground they will go

I shall speak to the sweet peas
A gift of God
feeling ever so grateful
for my Sweet Pea Pods

Side 2-AFTER

(now I am ready for my new editorial assistant to begin! Anne where are you?)

Ok you guys.......this is my assistant side of the room, behind me, after a day.
Also I have not had curtains in this room since I started working in here 5 years ago......so yesturday, I got some cutie little shabby chic sear sucker tiers and put them up! (me and the hammer had a fight, and i fell off the darn ladder, but all is good though!)

The "other" side of the room!

Now......this is the OTHER wall. It was actually a closet that I turned into another little office section. I made a table, piano hinged it to the wall, gave it a "1" leg support and it works quite well. The top shelf is all office supplies.
The rest of the stuff, the pink boxes and all the stacked stuff is all magazine things and projects! I had to just keep stacking stuff so I could keep moving onto the spring issue of the magazine.
So today will be getting these two walls done!

I have now perfected my 3 step process.
1. Sort
2. Clean
3. Toss out un-needed stuff and organized Saved stuff.

Not sure if that would be the professional organizers way....but it seems to be working. I however, will need more garbage bags! hahahahah
I shall show you an "after" shot shortly!

Cheer-io!
Pam

9 hours later...

Ok.......here is the same space 9 hours later........3 garbage bags and 15 million DUST BUNNY NESTS!
I shall start on the photography side tomorrow!

*where is my pillow.....I am ready for a nap now!*

KATIE MADE ME DO IT!

Ok Miss Katie!

This is for you! Your my inspiration to make sure I get this done!!!!
I have to say, as I look at the picture, there are so many things that have sat for over a year, that I could not get to, yet the the boxes to the right are all the projects from the Spring issue of Bead Unique that just shipped to the printer.

I have canceled all of my day plans to now tackle this room!!!!!!

*where are those file boxes and garbage bags!*

Pam

The First New day...

Well it is the first new day of the year. I guess I always think of January 1 as a celebration day.....a day of reflection and a day of lists! hahahah
When your around family you get caught up in all the hustle and bustle of the new year celebrations, when your alone, its lists! Well, that is how it is for me.

I think we all look back at how the year has been and how things may look to the future. I myself am very happy 2008 is behind me.
Although it has been wrought with sadness and heavy burdens, it has also released me from them as well.

it reminds me of a song that has a line "...jack me up, shoot me up, flying down the highway..." It is an old trucker song where the driver is in the diner and drinking his coffee, and getting ready to be all jazzed to be alive and awake and to take on the highway in his truck doing what he loves.
Well that is me.

So a few things that I am making resolutions on are:
1. Pay attention to the lists. Yes I am a list maker. However, in the past I have made my lists yet not always payed attention to them. You know, who called, what paper to touch, which box to move.....but this year is a "pay attention" year for me.
2. Make my bucket list. Begin my list of just what do I truly want to do before I kick the bucket!
3. Begin each day with prayer. Oh I have been doing it, but I want to make sure I do it with PASSION!

Well, those are the three to start with....all the rest will fall into place with Gods plan.

I wish all of you the very best in 2009

So what is on your LIST?

Pam
*photo is taken at Lake Tahoe in the early evening.......it makes me think of all things possible when I look at it....as if there is no end to our dreams*

VISIONS of Summer 2

A delightful tomato flower....waiting to bring us some fruit! The strawberry's didnt produce too much, but what I did pick were melt in your mouth!

RAIN RAIN RAIN

Hello all!

Well, it is STILL raining out there!

I am trying to start tracking for the magazine, but have contractors coming by the house today......so interuptions!

It is 10:15 and I still have not had breakfast!

So while I start getting myself BACK into my blogging mode, lets just see a few flowers and such ok?

Have a great day all!

They were as big as your head!

The last one hangs at the top of my window. Its brown and dead now. The shape is perfect though. I had 5 of them. One by one, they never made it through all the moves and packing's of my life. Yet one made it through.

I am not sure how. Pure stubbornness of my grandmother I am sure. It came from her garden. From the bush at the front side of the house.

She used to lean over the porch and watch it. She would direct me where to pinch and where to cut. The love in her voice made it a wonderful activity. Pinch there honey, and cut that off. That Queen of the Hydrangea's will be bigger next year.

I couldn't imagine that it could be bigger than it already was, yet it showed me it could. I went down to my grandmothers every weekend. We would marvel at her green thumb, yet it was me who did all the touching and work. It's as if she sang to them at night, from the porch, and that was all the nourishment they all needed.

And the hydrangeas were the queens of it all. Towering and massive. We used to take pictures of the blossoms in our hands, laughing and smiling at how majestic they were. They were as big as your head,
she would say!

Today, for the first time since she has passed away, I have taken pictures of my own little bush. My own little hydrangea. The first I have dared grow on my own.

Today, I held them in my hands and thought of nothing but her. Looking up at my own porch wishing she was standing there with her black hair and wrinkled skin. That pink flower shirt she loved and those
dark rimmed glasses.

I walked in and looked at the dried fragile hydrangea pinned to the curtain on my window. It was the last one I picked before she died. I had a bouquet of them. That was the last. Today, I saw her face on my porch. I felt her love in my hands.

I laughed...they were as big as my head!